Courtyard Gurugram Downtown by Marriott-Amazing experience !

The hotel is a great addition to Gurgaon many years back. I stayed in the hotel many times and stayed again recently. The hotel was always quite good and willing to listen to feedback from guests for improvements.

Some of the great experiences this time (end June 2023) included:

1. A very warm welcome by everyone in the team – starting with the door man to bell desk to front office (reception). The team was quick and responsive and welcoming.

2. The buffet breakfast is class-apart, probably the best in North India. This is about the spread, variety and a great team to make it nice (inspite of large guests at one time)

3. The managers are not just sitting in their offices and are roaming across the areas to understand the realities – this many hotels miss. Meeting guests casually and capturing their feedback gives immense data points for enhancements and its invaluable. 

4. The rooms are nice and cozy and housekeeping staff is always willing to help.

5. Room service of food is prompt and up to the mark as per the requests made (again this is important as many guests have specific needs for food)

6. Gym is nice and so is the pool. Internet is great too.

The leadership of the hotel is willing to listen to views of the guests and together with their team act on the suggestions or feedback received. The team is working together to make it a great experience for everyone. 

The only challenge I found were very limited English movie and entertainment system – probably the management can have a relook at that as they have many guests from outside India.

Rest all is amazing and great. Keep up the good show - thank much.

Where are we now !

 

Someone said “Change is the only constant”. Sometimes the purpose of life comes from change – it’s all about the joy and happiness one’s life has brought to self and to others.

The so called development in past so many years have been crazy. Its not to say that the world was better before the advent of social media or the fancy electronic gadgets. I thing its all due to the desire of humans that innovations like these happened. But inspite of these “great innovations” the loneliness in the world has increased drastically. So much so that even people share their feelings and moments just by “emojis”. 

The social media based on psychological human desire to “feel appreciated” has led to complications. The thin line between reality and fake has been diminishing and at times it is giving a false sense of being. The real world and real feelings are not felt or shared.

Friendship is replaced by friends for benefit.

The childhood which was a time to be innocent, enjoy the outdoor games, be free and explore has been taken over by gadgets and TV (with its extremely high and volatile content). Even the parents are providing the gadgets out of peer pressure and whole meaning of childhood fun is getting lost. There is so much pressure of “getting degrees” for kids and children that the real learning is not happening. The kids are just running towards the adulthood and are not getting time to understand “who they are”.

Various studies have shown the dramatic negative effects that excessive use or overdose of social media affects the mental health of users, especially the teenagers who report a rise in the incidence of depression, stress, and anxiety.

Then the rat-race continues till very late in life – when people start asking what’s the purpose of life and wish the time can be reversed.

The relationships are largely impacted that compromise on moral values is considered as fun and normal. The real relationships between friends, spouses and families are deeply impacted. People are just “busy” and not clear on what?

Just read a post by someone who was going for her Kidney transplant operation and she was totally on social media to share her photos and write. The whole purpose of life is becoming over engrossed with fake-ness and the real pleasure of life are coming from unreal things. 

The vacations and holidays are more to compare and post pictures on social media that relax and re-energize. The desire to have more and more is leading to greed and the gap between rich and poor is increasing consistently.

The whole world talks about global warming and environment – but rational individual actions are missing. The challenge of fresh air, water and basic necessity of life is still a challenge. There is lot of sympathy but very rarely empathy.

Although the life expectancy of humans is prolonged but in real terms people are not healthy – issues are both physical, emotional and psychological. The real happiness is getting lost in desires to fulfill as a competition with others.

So is it that the past was much better? I may sound that everything bad is happening. However, the intention is to just re-iterate the facts that sometime and not too late everyone needs to ask “what is the real purpose for us – individually and together” – we owe it to us and to our future generations.

Covid was just one instance of eye-opener for everyone where the struggle was for “living”. Hope we do not forget as the uncertainty of future is always a reality. The loneliness of humanity is increasing so rapidly that world is really facing a big crisis much sooner than people can realize. The political world will always keep normal people busy with issues which are troubling their lives (divide & rule, wars, legalities, scarcities, lies and many more). The change is so rapid

So WHO should start this – it starts with YOU, ME and all of us. It calls for introspection, reflection, thinking and then acting ! and that too immediately.

Human Connect - now or never !

 

The life in last couple of years have been unpredictable and challenging for most across the world. Though some of the rich grew their businesses a lot but they also had challenges of people. As someone said – “Death is an equalizer – it does not differentiate between rich and poor ” !

The humanity has transformed and the change was not planned for and it was sudden and rapid. It was a period of anxiety, fear, loss, physical and mental discomforts and humanity got a rude shock.

It impacted many relationships badly and lead to realizations of human behavior which was shocking at times and broke many hearts. The times changed and the scars for some were everlasting. I was speaking to someone as he mentioned “the world can’t see the pain behind my smiles”. Some of the behavior in this covid period was shocking and extremely painful for many (people did not realize that their short term mistakes leave a permanent scar in people’s life- trust is lost forever). 

"Whether it's friendship or relationship, all bonds are built on trust. Without it, you have nothing."

It transformed people who were working in organizations and many had chance to ask themselves what’s the purpose of their life and many of them started pursuing a different passion/career.  Work from home, which was viewed initially as a great relief for people turned out to be a stressful experience for many. Organizations are struggling to bring back people to offices. Many of them closed down their physical offices and saved money. However, the reality is that people expectations changed and many times there is mismatch between what organizations expect and what talent wants.

The management gurus came out with many jargons – Great Resignations, Quiet-quitting and many more. The effort is to generalize the change; however, the change is different for different people and it needs individualized attention and thoughts. Each human has to be viewed differently and supported. The state of confusion still prevails (its almost end of 2022) and may continue for some more time. There is a strong need to build trust in relationships in organizations (also in homes).

The challenge of loneliness has increased manifold. The world is shattered and people are anxious and many times acting without thinking. There is a greater need for human connect (artificial intelligence is ultimately artificial and can not replace human feelings) – social media is as flaky as possible (many times full of myths and unreal information). Companies are again profiteering; governments are busy playing politics. So everyone has to build the human connect with people around them on their own and build a community of positivity. 

The world can only survive when we are able to understand humans and support each other well and create a bond (whether its for organizations, teams, homes, families, communities and nations).

Deep human connection is ... the purpose and the result of a meaningful life - and it will inspire the most amazing acts of love, generosity, and humanity ~ Melinda Gates

Why marking, grading and Rating system is wrong in India?

I still remember how one parent pulled up his daughter for getting 94% marks in grade 12th in Delhi and saying, it will be difficult getting admission in the “prestigious colleges” in Delhi university as the cut-off for the “prestigious programs” is almost 100%.

I was shocked and surprised and the kid was left speechless and almost in tears as she has put her best efforts and was feeling that everyone will praise her for what she achieved. This is the worst thing to hurt anyone’s self-worth and self-esteem.

The way examination and marking system has been evolving over last 20-25 years have been very hurting and painful and the assumption is that any intelligence of child is directly related to the marks he/she gets. The expectations of people in society is anything less than 95% is not worth and anything less than 90% marks is just an average performance. 

The whole system is so bad that students, parents, teachers and society at large is just running a race to get 100%. This is totally wrong as “perfect” is not right and possible and there is always scope for improvement and learning. The assumption is that the kids who get 100% are perfect. This creates a sense of either superiority or inferiority complex in children and also creates FEAR among many of them, rather than having a desire to learn and apply learning. 

The focus has been increasingly on bookish knowledge than application of knowledge or skill building. So anyone great in arts, sports or culinary arts etc. is looked upon as not-intelligent or a weak student. The real challenge is that even teachers are fed-up with this system and there are so many teachers and school leaders who make changes at their own levels but then parents force them to change to the “typical exam and marks based system”. 

This is so ingrained in the society that even the rating system of services provided by many companies including UBER, Zomato etc expect that the best rating of 5 should be given to all providers and anything like 3 or 4 is a problem. The assumption is 5 is perfect – again there is immense scope of improvement possible in the services and there is nothing perfect. 

I asked my friends in Europe and they shared that they hardly find any Uber driver with more than 3.7-3.8 rating as the normal rating for anyone doing their job as per define criteria is 3 and someone going extra-mile is rated as 4 and the rating of 5 is rare.

In India, every driver or Zomato delivery person will request you for a rating of 5. I have personally seen some drivers rated as 4.95 and the service has been extremely sad. When I rate them as 3 or 4 – Uber asks; was there a problem??? 

Many times the problem is of UBER or Zomato or other service providers and here you can’t rate them or raise complaints easily. Reaching out to Uber and many other service providers for raising a complaint is extremely difficult. The process is so complex that you get fed-up. So they just want that every driver or delivery person should be rated 5 but no rating for these companies. This is extremely stress and fear driven system and must be stopped.

The reason I wrote this note is to highlight how much pseudo-fear we are creating in everyone for marks and ratings and grades. The exact definition of intelligence or excellence is so skewed that the society is being created of either 100% or Rated 5 and below that is a problem area. The whole focus is on a herd mentality. No one realizes that each one is unique and special with some qualities and that should be nurtured.

The real herd mentality can be seen by so many Edu-tech unicorns who are valued in billions of dollars in India and who are just focusing on “getting you perfect marks”. They are adding fuel to a Fire – which is engulfing India’s talent and society negatively.

I really wish and hope that we “TRANSFORM” education fully – not just by making small changes as suggested in the New education policy.

Please let each child live, learn and enjoy their unique gifts and strengths and lead a happy life and remove FEAR as the only motivator of performance. FEAR is the most dangerous factor in a society

May God bless us all and remove the FEAR!

Jalebi & Life....

The thought that MY building lift is better than the other one I had gone to a friend’s house – triggered many more thoughts…

What is this all MY – MINE about and what all affinity to things. When me, myself is a temporary creature on this earth. So in a way I am not owner of anything; I am just a traveler.

Although, I have never (never is a strong word, should be carefully used) felt attracted to things (or to say for last 15-16 years or so). As I had great desires of buying good phones and may be cars before 2006.  

So do I become a saint if now I like experiences better than things or I like doing things for others and making a difference to others’ life and that gives me more happiness than buying “stuff” for me.

I do like traveling and that’s one thing where I like to spend money. Ok..Ok – yes I like Jalebis too.

The learning of last 15-16 years has been immense. The journey is full of amazing and outstanding experiences of meeting some great people – these include age of 3 years to 90 years; people from all walks of life; people in different continents; some great leaders; some great teachers; some great players; some great entrepreneurs; some great drivers; some great handy-men and many many more kids from who I learnt everything about life. This learning is so enriched that it gives me ability to work with any age or any person from a child to a CEO or a head of a state.

In these many years I also assessed and coached many leaders (including 100 of CXOs) and the surprising part was I was the learner in this whole process whereas the assessee and coachee felt that they are learning a lot. What a double edge sword it is- learn while you earn.

The crisis of Corona (Covid) has transformed every one globally – the impact is still happening and will continue for some more time. The only thing which can help right now are the “positive relationships” we have around us and how we are able to contribute meaningfully to others (keeping ourselves safe and healthy). I speak to almost 4-5 people on average as a practice for many months now. The reason is that people are not having anyone to talk to..or to share feelings with. The conversations could be with anyone – clients, team, driver, watchman, shopkeeper, auto guy, amazon deliver person, zomato guy, my favourite Jalebi wala, friends, relatives ;-) 

I feel we all have come to earth to do our karma and we do it to best of our abilities. In addition, if we can do anything meaningful for someone else and bring little happiness and smile to them, we have made some difference to humanity. 

One more thing, I find is that I never feel I am very busy as I always tell everyone I am always free. I feel its all in the mind and may be God helps me to find time.. The only gift we can give to others is TIME. It DOES NOT always cost money to help others.

There are challenges and many of us have much more than others. However, most of the people reading this are blessed as we have a house, food, internet, mobile/laptop to read. There are so many, many more whose challenges are much bigger than us. Just think !

So if I don’t eat Jalebis in one week – how I can help someone with their basic food needs.

The difference of needs and want ; necessity and sufficiency; greed vs need.

So enough of gyaan… either you find a good jalebi wala and eat it or help someone ! 

Its up to us how we want to reflect back on our life at an old age – Either saying..Yeah I tried or I wish I could have! 

God bless you all, those who made an effort to read..my sweet (Jalebi thoughts). Love you all !

 

India - Needing Transformational Change

 

The focus of my life has always been on creating positivity and positive changes and helping myself and others to believe and practice it.

I always felt India and we Indians need to transform for the better and have been writing about the same for last 12-13 years. Many times it is construed by others as not liking own country and highlighting negatives.

It was felt and assumed that this crisis of Corona will bring positive changes to society and people and there will be transformational changes, not only in India but globally. However....

However, largely we Indians have short memory and we are back to becoming greedy and selfish as soon as things are little better. Being selfish is not wrong for a short-while; however just thinking about Self does not transform societies. When we speak about such behaviors its not claimed and assumed that goodness does not exist in India. Due to the goodness of the positive forces, society is still sustaining itself – otherwise it would have crashed much earlier.

The basic life challenge of AIR, CLEAN WATER and HYGIENIC FOOD has been highlighted earlier in many of my writings and many of experts. Its still not available in NORMAL times in India and the struggle is now much more in CORONA times. Where almost there is civil war to get basic oxygen. This is level 1 of Maslow and we in India have continuous and regular struggle for level 1.

However, during Normal times also – air is one of the most polluted in the world and clean water is luxury of few (someone said next world-war would be for Water) and food is so widely spoilt by chemicals and fertilizers, that more than half of it is at the dangerous level of creating health hazards. These are basic need of human life.

So if development is making more buildings and creating wealth for few and then saying that “India is shining” then it is OK for few more years before which a social revolution will come. Greed of many has been impacting people, society and nation.

We are creating a nation where basic TRUST is lacking between people – farmers do not trust government; common people do not trust each other and government and the overall society has a FEAR of getting more and more for self. TRUST is the basic foundation of any relationship and society and that is lacking and is going down over the years. The basic structure of society is still a challenge.

The people who are our rulers are creating divide and fear among people. The population is ever increasing – adding pressure to infrastructure (health, food etc). However, it’s a vote-bank for the political system, so no action can be taken. The difference between Haves and Have-nots is increasing at a faster pace...

EMPATHY – again a must for a positive society – hardly exists in India. We have lot of sympathy but rarely empathy.

Societal transformation in any country begins with the intent and then planned actions. Despite being an optimist, I do not feel that there will be a great deal of transformation in India at societal or national level. Even the disasters like Corona have been showing the basic structure of Indian societal system.

What we can do – is to do our Karma and keep making small changes in the society around us- beginning with our home and helping our children and children & youth around us to motivate to “make a difference” to others (being selfish to an extent and then helping others).

At this moment, I really wish that everyone is healthy and and is able to make positive change in self and others and GOD help us in this journey.

Positive Society needs:

1. Human Connect and Empathy

2. TRUST

3. LOVE

4. People doing their own Karma well

5. Compassion

6. Belief in self and others

7. Empathy

8. A desire to make better future for next generations - Sustainability

God bless everyone !

The changed world - 2020

"No matter who we are, no matter how successful, no matter what our situation, compassion is something we all need to receive and give." -- Catherine Pulsifer

Change is a continuous process and part of evolution of humanity and world. Almost one year back, world faced a challenge and in a way united the world (in form of Corona Virus). The impending changes it brought all across the globe has been immense.  This note is largely based on observations from India.

It has impacted almost everyone – to some in small ways (rich people whose profits are little lesser but life is fine) and many others in big ways (who lost business, work, jobs and ways of livelihood and life). However, the pandemic can impact the health of everyone – rich and poor in similar ways. 

The initial phase was of shock and blame game and then the humans came back to what they called – “new normal”. The same greed took over sympathy of earlier pandemic times. People started making money on the sanitizers or masks or availability of ventilators. Some people showed sympathy with poor and helped (very few showed empathy – as empathy is a way of life and not just a show-off). Helping others is way of life and can not be just a photo-opportunity.

For most of the governments across globe – it was also an unprecedented phase where they also struggled in managing the crisis. 

Most schools, universities and educators immediately learnt the way of teaching online. It was easy for young educators and little difficult for the older ones. The job of school heads became more complex. However, more or less the teaching is happening (not sure if students are learning much, though). Now everyone is exhausted – teachers, students, leaders in schools and colleges. However, its going on to just make sure syllabus is completed. There was a news article that a large number of school leaders in UK are resigning as they are feeling too much pressure. Still studies are being conducted on the impact on mental health of kids and educators. After speaking to a small sample – I could gather that all of them are really feeling exhausted and de-motivated.

The so-called e-teaching platforms started selling to parents and kids (this is much more in India). The focus again is on fear of lagging behind (without these you can not be intelligent or get marks). They want to make sure that they make money on the fear of losing out.

The psychological change is the biggest one – where there is less focus (as most organizations want to make more money – in the “new normal”).  Human is being left to fend for themselves – those who give us revenues and add value, can stay and rest can leave. Some companies are helping the people and many others are showing-off that they are. Large part of companies is not much bothered the human part (Human is just a resource for them). There are so many webinars being organized – like there is no tomorrow. Not sure on what’s the hurry. This is the time to practively manage own-self and help others in whatever way we can. Its not easy - but its not difficult too (just that one has to think beyond self). Relationships have been impacted in a big way - as humans are confused on how to act or think, at times.

Political people are using this time to settle own scores – they spread fear when needed; make changes to suit them (mass rallies in Bihar, India are one example). The information is suppressed and lies are spread.

Medical staff and resources are stretched to a level like never before. They request and plead with public to follow rules (masks and social-distancing) – but people follow examples set by the leaders. People want to live the same life as before – festivals are important, birthdays are important, marriages are important – but health of self & others is not so important (there is a myth that the virus can not impact us). People are just moving around and meeting people without any purpose (as if this time will not come again). The civic ways of managing self and caring for others are hardly seen.

Vaccine is the next step – where the clarity is not available at the moment and also false promises are passed-on to public. In India, it was also used to ask for votes in Bihar. Anything which is scarce, may lead to chaos initially. There will be preference for the privileged class and poor people chances will be towards the end.

The impact of this change will last for atleast 10-12 years for a large part of population and for some it could just be few weeks (as soon as they get own vaccine). The loneliness, stress and mental discomfort has impacted a lot of people. There is sudden emergence of so-called counsellors, mental health specialist, happiness guides (to make money out of the crisis). 

Initially it was felt that this pandemic will transform the world and people to be more compassionate and empathetic. However, it was just a short term dream. Humans by nature have become greedy and individualistic to a large extent. There are people who have become much richer in this pandemic (but they don’t have any desire or will to share the wealth). To suit their convenience they start calling it new-normal. This is not NORMAL. Its a crisis and must be managed like that.

“The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others.” – Albert Schweitzer